My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
