You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
