K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You took a bar mat shot.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
