sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
