I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
