There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
