I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
