She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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