I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
