and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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