Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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