I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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