Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
