So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
