my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize