We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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