Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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