her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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