The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
