She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
