can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
