No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
