Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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