im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
