I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize