do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
