I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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