He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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