He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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