she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
