My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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