Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
