piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
