i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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