would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
