2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
