I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize