Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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