Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
