I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
