LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize