i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
