apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
