The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
