Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
