I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
