the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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