We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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