Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
