I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
