Your face is a jimmy john
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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