Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
