I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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