Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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