using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
