how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
