dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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