Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
