You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
