I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
