We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
