i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
