He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
