Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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