Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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