i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
