Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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