i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
