just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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