I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
