capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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