? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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