Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
not ubering you a puppy
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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