Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
