I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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