I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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