youre lurking in front of me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
