It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
