If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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