TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have tasted many bathrooms
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize